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03-03-2010, 11:40 AM roadster5580 Joined on 01-18-2008 Atlanta, GA Posts 326 Hilljack Mechanic Club WARNING -- This thread is intended as humor, so if any of the things below offend you, don't get your panties in a wad. Living in Georgia, we are all proud of our native son Jeff Foxworthy and his introducing the world to "Rednecks".  Down here in Georgia, we also have what is known as the HJMC (Hilljack Mechanics Club).  You can qualify for membership in the HJMC by coming up with various "creative" maintenance techniques.  Although these techniques are not generally accepted maintenance practices, they do often work and solve a current problem.  At some point or time over the years, I have actually seen or done some of the items listed below myself.  With that said, you too may qualify for HJMC if: 1)   If you've ever used electrical tape and clear nail polish as pin-stripping 2)   If you've ever used a leather shoe lace and super glue as a tire plug 3)   If you've ever used oat meal inside a tubeless tire as a dynamic tire balancing medium 4)   If you've ever used oat meal and a raw egg as a tire sealer 5)   If you've ever used black pepper to stop a water leak 6)   If you've ever used a raw egg to stop a water leak 7)   If you've ever used K-Y jelly as tire lube 8)   If you've ever used K-Y jelly as wheel bearing grease 9)   If you've ever put saw dust in the crank to quiet a knocking rod 10) If you've ever used PAM to replace WD-40 11) If you've ever used Crisco to lube oil seals or o-rings 12) If you've ever used duct tape in place of body filler 13) If you've ever used a teaspoon of Comet in the cylinders to correct a leaking valve seat 14) If you've ever put a tube on a tubeless rim because you bent the bead by running over a curb in a drunken stupor 15) If you've ever cut the valve stems out of an innner tube to make "air caps" 16) If you've ever used a cardboard parts box to make gaskets 17) If you've ever tried to make head gaskets out of a sheet of copper 18) If you've ever used a hammer and a file to make a screwdriver that would fit your mixture screws or carb synch screws out of a coat hanger 19) If  you've ever used a broom handle and a square drive wood screw to make a valve adjusting tool. 20) If you've ever used a matchbook from your favorite bar to set your point gap or valves 21) If you've ever tried to rig your 1970's disco strobe light up as a timing light 22) If you've ever tried to rig a carb synch tool out of fuel lines and cherry flavored Kool-Aid. 23) If you've ever cut the screw end off an oil filter and stuffed it in the exhaust pipe to replace a blown out baffle. 24) If you've ever tried to use a fishing sinker and solder to repair a cable end 25) If you've ever tried to make a spoke out of a welding rod 26) If you've ever used Bondo as a tank sealer 27) If you've ever used a coat hanger as welding or brazing rod 28) If you've ever used pancake batter as "liquid masking" during a paint job 29) If you've ever used electrical tape to make up the difference because you ordered 1" grips and you have 7/8" handlebars 30) If you've ever used a hacksaw to cut down a vanadium socket to fit your clutch or swing-arm nut 31) If you carry a pair of vise grips to open your petcock that broke 3 years ago 32) If you've ever run straight 50W oil to keep your bike from smoking so much. 33) If you've ever tried to rig a "cruise control" out of a wedge shape piece of wood and a tie-wrap 34) If you carry a flattened nail to operate your worn out ignition switch 35) If you've ever used dental floss as a substitute for Plasti-Gauge I personally have been nominated to HJMC Hall of Fame for some of the very things listed above.  What have you done to earn your membership card?          Report

03-03-2010, 12:20 PM DaveF Joined on 06-11-2008 Lawrenceville, GA Posts 1,232 Re: Hilljack Mechanic Club Alright, who has been spying on me in the garage?  My Web Site 1982 GL500 1983 GL650    Report

03-03-2010, 12:33 PM roadster5580 Joined on 01-18-2008 Atlanta, GA Posts 326 Re: Hilljack Mechanic Club Dave - You're from Georgia.  I figured you had been around long enough to at least know where the Club House is located and maybe stopped by and visited a few times.    Report

03-03-2010, 1:07 PM Blue fox Joined on 04-18-2008 COLUMBIA, MISSOURI Posts 1,533 Re: Hilljack Mechanic Club If you have ever used a metal ball point pen refill for a wire crimp connector. If you have ever used baking soda with super glue to fix a side cover. If you have ever made a muffler out of a tomato juice can and glass wool from your water heater. If you have ever bushed a bearing with a strip of beer can. If you have ever made a headlight out of a commercial emergency light fixture. If you have ever epoxied the lining  back on to the shoe for your rear brake. If you have ever made a headlight for your fairing from a 69 Chevy Luv truck grill. If you have ever made a backrest out of an old office chair back. If you have ever used a cigarette filter to paint the lettering back on your controls. If you have ever gutted a sparkplug to make an adapter for a compression gage. Blue Fox 1983 GL650I, 79-CX500C, 1980 CX500C, 82-GL500I, 82-GL1100, 76-CB550, 81-CB750C, 73-CB350F, 71-CT90,    Report

03-03-2010, 1:53 PM Randall-in-Mpls Joined on 07-06-2007 Minneapolis, MN Posts 2,630 Re: Hilljack Mechanic Club I've made the wood screw valve tool, the Kool-Aid carb gauges, I've started saving CX oil filters to make a muffler for my lawn tractor, and I once ground out a 1" socket to make an oil cup wrench for a '72 CB.  I'm also guilty of Fox's spark plug compression gauge adapter. I still use all these things, except the modified socket (wish I'd saved that.) R P.S. My dad liked the SuperGlue and baking soda trick.  He used it to periodically fix his false teeth. I guess it's hereditary.  '78 CX500 - Black Maggot --> Green Grub / Yellow Grub / Red Grub ???    Report

03-03-2010, 2:16 PM roadster5580 Joined on 01-18-2008 Atlanta, GA Posts 326 Re: Hilljack Mechanic Club Fox/Randall - OK ....... (LMAO)   How does a Senior membership card sound to you guys?    Report

03-03-2010, 3:28 PM Abes_CW Joined on 04-17-2007 saskatoon Posts 3,037 Re: Hilljack Mechanic Club I did 29 to make my "universal" turn signals fit my apparently non-universal GL forks. 1983 GL650i Had 4 CX/GL's at one point this year, down to one, next spring is another adventure! age 38 (29 plus tax)    Report

03-03-2010, 4:06 PM Blue fox Joined on 04-18-2008 COLUMBIA, MISSOURI Posts 1,533 Re: Hilljack Mechanic Club Hold up on that Senior membership card until I get this truck tire reseated on its rim using hairspray.  (I may not need it after that) Blue Fox 1983 GL650I, 79-CX500C, 1980 CX500C, 82-GL500I, 82-GL1100, 76-CB550, 81-CB750C, 73-CB350F, 71-CT90,    Report

03-03-2010, 4:36 PM Blindstitch Joined on 03-14-2009 Greenfield Wisconsin Posts 9,863 Re: Hilljack Mechanic Club #29 sounds great. I always like the feel of thicker grips. 1979 CX500 Supertanker ATGATT makes riding a bike like a sled easier. Quick Reference    Report

03-03-2010, 10:22 PM roadster5580 Joined on 01-18-2008 Atlanta, GA Posts 326 Re: Hilljack Mechanic Club One would think that membership in the HJMC is restricted to amateur mechanics, such is not the case.  However in order to hold a slot on the the Technical Advisory Board, you must be a professional motorcycle mechanic and have been directly involved in one of the following qualifying events: 1) Having to buy a customer a new tire and yourself a new pair of underwear because you put 130 PSI in a 3x16 tire, while talking on a cell phone to your girlfriend and using a clip-on air chuck 2) Having to buy a  customer a new tire because you completely destroyed the bead after 20 minutes of struggling/cussing, only to discover you were attempting to put a 16" tire on a 17" rim. 3) Having to help an old lady replace a prize rose bush after a road test because you forgot to install the rear brake adjusting nut while changing a tire 4) Returning from a road test using vise-grip pliers as a shift lever after forgetting to install the clamp bolt on a shift seal job 5) Having to buy 3 lower garage door panels after improperly installing a Barnett clutch 6) Having to buy a customer new header pipes after hitting a speed bump and forgetting to tighten the triple tree clamps after a fork seal job 7) Having to get stitches on your chin at the emergency room after forgetting to tighten the handle bar clamps and hitting the same damn speed bump 8) Discovering, after the final clear coat had dried, that you had spelled the word "Kawaski" on both sides of the fuel tank with an airbrush.  However, we all agreed that it was possibly the most beautiful script any of us had ever seen 9) Having caught a customers multi-carb bike on fire after re-installing the carbs, only to discover a little "pointy" thing in the assembly tray. 10) Having reinstalled a customers carbs, only to discover what looked like a little brass piccolo in the assembly tray and uttering those now famous words... F%#K it, it wasn't in the kit, so he probably don't really need it anyway!" 11) Having ever attempted, in any way, to use toilet paper as an air filter medium DO NOT ATTEMPT ANY OF THIS AT HOME -- These actions were performed by professional motorcycle mechanics.  If you're wondering, yes, the smoking of a contraband substance had taken place either during or immediately prior to the majority of these incidents. The exact details of the cost/damages wrought has long since faded from my memory.  However, the expressions on the faces of those individuals involved immediately after these events occurred are etched in my mind forever.  I have deliberately omitted the names of those involved to help protect the identity of the mechanically inept BTW- The guy involved in 6 of these 11 events went on to become the sole owner of a multi-million $$$ dealership.  I receive a very steep discount on all my purchases by simply not mentioning any of this to his current employees    Report

03-07-2010, 4:41 PM Sidecar Bob Joined on 03-02-2006 Kawartha Lakes, Ontario Posts 1,901 Re: Hilljack Mechanic Club I'm running for President of the Canadian chapter this year.......... Mr. Honda ('83 GL1000/Dnepr) summer The Famous Eccles ('84 GX650EI/Velorex700) winter WHY I HAVEN"T BEEN AROUND MUCH LATELY    Report

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